Burger Boy!
by Julia Spiegel
Summary: The chase is on! Burger Boy is on the loose! For the theft of a 5,000 acre farm's entire collection of animals! Hahahahaha!


Disclaimer: I don't own anything.  
  
I know this fic is kinda jumpy with the scenes, but I'm telling ya, it's gonna be real long........  
  
~*~*~The wildest bounty chase in the history of bounties!! Be warned!!~*~*~  
  
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Burger Boy!  
  
  
  
It was scorching hot on Jupiter, and everyone was lazier than ever. Jet was slouching on the sofa watching Big Shot.  
  
"Hey there all ya bounty hunters out there! Today's special: 20 MILLION WOOLONGS!!!" Punch exclaimed on the TV set.  
  
Jet rose up, eyes wide open.  
  
"WOW! Really? 20 MILLION!" Judy repeated.  
  
"Yup, here's the info on this BIG GAME!: Not much is known about him, 'xept his nickname is Burger Boy! Or BB. He is wanted for the theft a 5,000 acre farm's complete collection of farm animals! Robbed them ALL clean! Some heard he's roaming about in Jupiter City, normally around a fast food resturant called 'Big Boy's Burgers'. And sometimes even around an old abandoned factory nearby. We have no idea what he looks like, except he has skinny, scrawny legs that are barely seen while he's running away. Well, that's all we have for ya today, see ya'll next time!" Punch announced.  
  
"See ya space cowboys!" Judy said.  
  
Jet was shocked. They haven't seen a good bounty for almost a month. And everyone is STARVING. He thought maybe they'd get some extra food, with such a strange bounty like Burger Boy.  
  
"HEY SPIKE!!! GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!!" Jet yelled, hoping the hopeless slacker would come out from wherever he was.  
  
"WOOF WOOF!!" Ein barked panickedly, freaked out by Jet's cry from sleeping on the floor.  
  
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"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH YOU BASTARD!!!!! MY LIPSTICK!!!!!" Faye enraged, she was holding up her dark red lipstick that was all smushed and had black greasy stuff on it. She and Spike were walking to the living room where Jet called.  
  
"Oops, I ran out of axle grease for my ship, I had to use something. It was right there, on the coffee table." Spike said to the furious Faye.  
  
"CAN'T YOU TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A WOMAN'S BEAUTY PRODUCTS FROM A MAN'S DISGUSTING TOOLS?!?!!!!!" Faye screamed.  
  
"Well, I'd do anything for my beloved Swordfish!" Spike said, scratching his head.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH MEN ARE SUCH IDIOTS!!!!!!!!!!!!" Faye screamed at her loudest, creating a breeze that made Spike's big hair move. She stormed away, towards the garage and into her ship to go buy new make up.  
  
"Uhhhh.....he...he.....hehe......" Spike said nervously, sweatdropping.  
  
He looked at Jet, who was staring at him and Faye's argument, and they both started laughing real badly. This lasted for about five whole minutes.  
  
"Anyway," Spike said, trying to stop laughing, "Why'd you call for me?"  
  
"Good news! New bounty available. 20 million woolongs." Jet replied.  
  
"Holy shit! Haven't heard of so much money in months."  
  
"EDWARD HEARS MONEY!!!!!" Ed suddenly dropped on top of Spike's head from a pipe overhead, smiling.  
  
"AAAHHH!" He fell on the floor, extremely annoyed.  
  
"Ewwwwwwww, Edward got dirty greasy stuff on herself!" By Spike's dirty clothes from working all day. Off she skipped away, singing the Teletubbies theme.  
  
"Kids, they are so out of control these days......." Jet sighed.  
  
Spike got up very slowly, rubbing his head, almost whimpering.  
  
Jet turned on the computer, searching the database for information on Burger Boy. Spike stood, watching.  
  
"Ok, we're looking for a guy named Burger Boy, often seen around Jupiter City. By a fast food resturant called 'Big Boy's Burgers' or an old abandoned factory nearby. His nickname is BB. His looks are unknown, except for his small scrawny legs that you can see while he's running away." Jet said.  
  
"Burger Boy? What kind of name is that?"  
  
"I don't know, but think of the money." Jet replied.  
  
"Oh c'mon, it's too fucking hot to do anything now."  
  
"Will you stop complaining, it's twenty million we're talking about here!"  
  
"Ok, so where do we start?"  
  
"Well, obviously, find Big Boy's Burgers in Jupiter City. I think that city's 10 miles away from here."  
  
"Might as well buy some food there too. I'm starving!" Spike's stomach started to growl, then Jet's. They both sighed.  
  
"I don't think we have the money."  
  
"Oh yeah," he said tiredly, "I'll go look in Faye's room, she's obviously got some in there."  
  
"Hey, that's stealing!" Jet exclaimed.  
  
"Well I'm not gonna go to a resturant for no reason!" Spike replied.  
  
"Don't, it's not right." Jet warned.  
  
"Ok ok, I'll buy a burger for Faye too." And he walked away to get started.  
  
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Faye's room was a mess, and I mean a mess. Spike had been rummaging through everything, but no money. Finally, he gave up. He stood up from looking through a cardboard box when he looked around the room.  
  
"Oooooh shit...." He sighed, and started cleaning up as fast as he could before Faye comes back.  
  
Ed came in, still singing the Teletubbies theme. She poked her head into the room.  
  
"Ooooooooooooooooh!! What has Spike-Spike done? Nah nah nah! This doesn't look too good......bad Spikey!" Ed exclaimed.  
  
"Shhhh! I'm looking for money to buy food, aren't you hungry?" Spike said, trying to shut her up.  
  
"Ed is hungry hungry!" She sang as she cartwheeled away.  
  
Spike sighed and continued cleaning up.  
  
****  
  
When he was all done, he suddenly recognized he missed a spot: Faye's makeup vanity. He grinned and walked up to it.  
  
Searching through the tons and tons of makeup carefully, he found a velvet box. He opened it....and there, a big stack of money!  
  
^___^ "Sweeeeeeet...." Spike smiled even wider.  
  
He only took the amount he needed and started to put all the makeup back into place.  
  
****  
  
Spike walked out of Faye's room, counting the money and smiling.  
  
"Hehehehe....." ^___^  
  
In the living room Jet was still on the computer researching Burger Boy.  
  
"Hey Jet, look what I found." Spike said, still smiling.  
  
Jet looked up. When he saw the money, his face lit up in splendor.  
  
"I knew she had some money somewhere!" Jet said happily.  
  
"Yeah, in the most unsuspecting place."  
  
"Oh yeah, where?"  
  
"The makeup vanity." Spike replied.  
  
"Ewwwwww....." They both said at the same time.  
  
"Anyway, I set the ship's computer to go to Jupiter City. We should get there in, let's say......five minutes." Jet said.  
  
"Good." Spike walked away, lighting a cigarette.  
  
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"Damn, it's fucking hot........" Spike was walking in the streets of Jupiter City, looking for Big Boy's Burgers. He was walking beside a metal fence, and decided to light up a cigarette.  
  
"Oh crap, where's my lighter?" He said, pissed off. It was about 105 degrees outside and two o'clock in the afternoon, and the fence was right in front of the sun, absolutely nothing shading it. Spike put the end of the cigarette on the fence, it lit up perfectly.  
  
He continued walking, but it was too hot to remain outside.  
  
"Excuse me, do you know where Big Boy's Burgers is?" He asked a hot dog seller. He thought, 'I can't believe I just mentioned that gay name to someone.'  
  
"Oh sure, it's just five blocks away after you turn at that corner!" The man smiled, his bushy mustache moving.  
  
"Thanks." Spike walked away, sighing because of the long way to the fast food resturant.  
  
****  
  
Fifteen minutes later, still no sight of Big Boy's Burgers. Spike was barely walking, his hair and clothes soaked, and slouching so badly he almost could almost see the details of the sidewalk.  
  
****  
  
Five minutes later, he could now definitely see the details of the cement. Spike was extremely, and I mean extremely exhausted. He collapsed onto a wooden bench beside the sidewalk. You could hear flesh burning.  
  
"AAAAHHHH!" Spike rubbed his arm vigorously, there was a burn mark. He continued walking.  
  
****  
  
Another five minutes later, he was leaning on the shady side of a building, gasping for breath. But then smelled the sweet aroma of burgers.....  
  
Spike's eyes lit up, and ran for the nice, cool, relaxing air conditioning of Big Boy's Burgers.  
  
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Faye was in a rich people's makeup store in the nearby shopping mall also in Jupiter City. You know, designer stores like Georgio Armani or Tommy Hilfiger.  
  
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON'T HAVE ANY DARK RED LIPSTICK?!?!" Faye yelled at the clerk.  
  
"Um, well, the kind you're looking for costs one hundred woolongs. The best quality of lipstick, and those are extremely rare, ma'am. I'm afraid we haven't gotten a shipment of those yet lately." The scared and short man shook as he said this.  
  
It was the last good store in the mall that Faye searched in.  
  
"AAAAAHHHHH! ISN'T THERE A SINGLE PLACE IN THE CITY TO BUY DECENT MAKEUP!!!!!" Faye screamed, storming out of the store.  
  
================================================  
  
Jet was caring for his bonsais, wondering if Spike ever made it to Big Boy's Burgers or even found any whereabouts of Burger Boy.  
  
"!@#$%^&*!@#$%^&*!@#$%^&*"  
  
Ed had cartwheeled in, crashed, and almost every bonsai tree and tool fell onto the floor.  
  
"EDWARD!!!!!!!!! GET OUT!!!!!!!!!" Jet screamed at the top of his lungs.  
  
Ed hopped away in a split second, trembling a little because of Jet's sudden roar.  
  
Ein popped his head in, curious.  
  
"YOU GET OUT TOO!!" Jet yelled at Ein. The dog panickedly ran away, whimpering.  
  
"Awwww fuck!!" Jet almost cried and started to clean up. XD  
  
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Spike came in the resturant, the largest smile you'd ever seen on his face. Children were playing around and yelling, and that didn't even annoy him. He was just about the happiest man on earth - getting out of a 150 degree city and into the most relaxing feeling of air conditioners.  
  
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh..........." Spike said happily, wiping his drenched forehead with the back of his hand. He went up to the cashier and started ordering food.  
  
"I'll have ten triple cheeseburgers, five large sodas, one salad, ten packs of french fries, and extra extra ketchup!" Spike said happily.  
  
****  
  
As Spike was walking out of Big Boy's Burgers with a large bag of food to return to the ship, eat, and get back to the bountyhunting, a giant shadow emerged from his left side, swooped in front of him and grabbed the cheeseburger from his mouth and ran away.  
  
"Ah you mother fucker! NEVER take a hungry and sweaty man's food!!" Spike yelled angrily, but then he recognized skinny, scrawny legs running away, and a giant round shadow............  
  
  
  
  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...........................  
  
  
  
dun dun dun dun...dun dun dun dun........  
  
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XD This is probably my most funny and strangest fanfic! Hope for the next chapter to come soon!! XD 


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